Pieces of the heart
by Lonecrayon
Summary: JANNY fanfic. Set in the evening of the day Jac found out she was pregnant. This is my first fanfic so go easy on me please!
1. Chapter 1

"Shit" thought Jac, I cannot be pregnant, this cannot be happening! Mo's taunt echoed through her head "your bum's changed, I knew you were pregnant"

"shit, shit, shit, shit, shit" she mumbled pacing up and down her bathroom, where only weeks ago she had admired the dimples in Jonny's back as she watched him step into the shower, his pale Scottish skin shining in the white bathroom light. These were exactly the kind of memories Jac wished she could stop remembering, she tried to shake some sense into herself!

"you've got to stop thinking about that Scottish rat" she murmured to an empty room.

Still in a state of utter disbelief she wondered what the hell she was going to do. She didn't want a kid, you couldn't strap a kid onto a sidecar on the bike, she'd have to get a sensible car like a Golf or a Polo!

"Oh God" she thought, this was bad- really bad. But it was probably everything that annoying Scott would have loved. She thought he'd probably be over the moon at strapping a screaming child into a navy Volkswagen, there was literally nothing that could crush that optimistic soul of his! Jac wondered was she about to give him a small part of his perfect life, a house, a green garden and- a kid.

Since finding out the news Jac had replayed that night over and over again in her head, cursing herself for that one second of hesitation she'd had and ignored- she should have listened to her gut and then she might not be in this mess! Though she did also replay, somewhat accidentally, the feeling of security and contentment she'd felt when she'd woken up with his arms around her shoulders.

When she thought about telling Jonny her stomach flipped, she thought she was going to be sick- morning sickness doesn't start until five weeks- too early for that, it must simply be the nerves. Jac thought of Jonny's face, those deep brown puppy dog eyes of his, and how she was sure they would light up in a way hers never could about a child. She guessed he'd be shocked but she couldn't imagine him being even remotely ok with a termination. She'd either have to keep the baby or never tell him- she wasn't sure if she could do either!

She sure as hell didn't want a kid right now, but with the endometriosis complicating her fertility chances, this might be the only time it happened for her. Another string of expletives passed through her taught and worried lips

"What the hell have I done?"

Jonny was lying in bed trying to forget the day he'd just had. He'd been rushed off his feet at work, Mo had found out about the night he'd been foolish enough to share with Jac after Tara died, and the ice queen herself was doing her best to freeze him out completely. He just didn't get her!

"Moody cow" he thought

Whenever he was alone like this he still replayed the conversation they had had in the theatre after her accident. He thought about the sheer panic and heart stopping fear he had felt when he'd heard she was hurt. He thought of the way he'd brushed her hair behind her ear and gently cleaned the congealed blood from her forehead. And best and most painful of all, he remembered how his heart had beaten so fast he thought it would jump out of his chest when she said the word 'love'. He hadn't thought that word would ever come out of her mouth, least of all to him! But there it was- uttered and still lingering around in his mind, burying itself into the little section of his heart he'd roped off to contain any hope still left for their relationship.

Angry with himself for allowing himself to remember he rolled over and slammed his head into his pillow- the pillow upon which he's once stroked Jac's hair until she fell asleep in his arms. She wasn't the ice queen when she was here, she was just his Jac and he was her Jonny.

"Feck" he thought and smashed his head into the pillow once more.


	2. Chapter 2- The Parasite

Jonny awoke the next day with a mild headache from the stress of the day before. He had spent a long time last night flicking through memories with Jac in his mind. He hadn't thought about her for that long or that deeply in a long time and he was surprised when she popped into his head first thing that morning.

"This woman is ruining my life" he thought to himself before climbing out of bed and into the shower.

Jac slept fitfully, her dreams were troubled with crying children, images of the antichrist and Hansen telling her she'd never get any further in her career at Holby if she had a child. She awoke with a gasp just as Elliott was about to lay his chubby fingers on her protruding belly.

'Just a dream' she sighed before the sharp pain of remembrance that it was not completely a dream hit her. Her stomach sank like a stone and she lay motionless staring at the ceiling for a few minutes. Her mind was mostly blank except for one phrase

'you'd be a terrible mother'

Jonny had yelled it at her in a moment of rage and frustration but it had hurt. More deeply than she'd allowed herself to admit. Nurse Maconie had hooked his talons into her heart and her head was struggling to remove them. This was more than skin deep now, this was more than her cold shell and his annoying ability to worm his way in to her life, whether she wanted him there or not. This was now all about a small parasite that had implanted itself into the wall of her uterus and was about to change her life forever.


	3. Chapter 3- Magnets

Pulling into her usual spot in the staff car park, Jac cut the roaring engine, removed her helmet and shook out her long red hair. It had been a long night and she just wanted to get onto the ward and do her job. She hoped that annoying twerp Mo wouldn't get in her way too much today, she was not in the mood for her cheap jibes about Jonny and plus Mo was the only other person who knew about the pregnancy- probably the worst person Jac could think of to have found out. Mo was a decent doctor but she cared too much about Jac's private life- she didn't like it!

"morning sunshine" a bright voice called from behind Jac as she strode down the long corridor.

"oh wonderful- just what I need today, my own personal audio greeting mule" she turned to stare at Mo "and don't say anything more to me today about anything not related to my cases- understand?"

Mo nodded 'you're the boss" she said with just a tiny touch of irony as Jac continued her stride down the hall.

The ward was quiet today, quieter than Jac would have liked because it meant there was more of a chance that Jonny and Mo would have time to talk to each other. She knew Mo would never tell Jonny anything, she cared too much for his 'feelings'. That woman put too much emphasis in feelings in Jac's opinion. She even cared about Jac, something the feisty red head hated!

Jac had managed to enjoy a relatively Jonny free day, only seeing him once or twice on his ward rounds, but she was about to see a bit more of him because they had a consult coming in that he was assigned to.

Jonny was eating a biscuit at the nurses station when he heard footstemps and his heart rate increased. He hated that she had this control over him, she was no good for him, he deserved better than the shit she put him through, but she drove him crazy! He hated her but it was as if a magnet was constantly pulling them together, her metallic personality the attraction force! He tried to think of something witty to say

"Ahh Miss Naylor..."

"Shut it" she snapped "I'm here to see a patient, not speak to some Scottish comedian" but she sneaked a glance at his face while she swept past. This was the father of her parasite after all... "At least it'll be good looking" she thought before she could catch herself. She was already beginning to think of it as a person rather than a thing and that terrified her. She receded into her usual response to her fear: being even meaner than usual. "Hope you've put some iron bru into that chicken frame of yours this morning, because by the time I'm done with you today you're going to wish you'd never even got up this morning"

Jonny rolled his eyes, she was being even more scathingly sarcastic than usual and much to Jonny's disgust, that just made him like her all the more. "What the hell is wrong with me" he thought to himself quietly as he followed her onto the ward, sneaking a look at her backside as she walked. He thought it looked slightly bigger than usual and smiled to himself as butterflies batted against his stomach.


End file.
